


the holly and the ivy

by archersghost



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Number Five | The Boy, Christmas fic in January, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Tension, Yeah I’m a heathen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28532577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archersghost/pseuds/archersghost
Summary: Five folded up his newspaper. “You’re being unduly solicitous. I’m assuming you're trying to pry into my private life right now.”“Oh, as always, Fivey. How about we take out dad’s old whiskey and exchange fun stories?”Diego placed a hand behind his head. “How about it, Five?”Five followed the action. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Diego Hargreeves
Comments: 13
Kudos: 89





	the holly and the ivy

**Author's Note:**

> First Fiego fic despite liking this pairing for a good few months now, safe to say it's long overdue. Wrote this during late December, largely over two nights, and figured I may as well post it before it really becomes inappropriate to mention the holidays (or I forget about it completely, hah). It’s short, vaguely christmas-y and hugely self indulgent. 
> 
> Five is in his early twenties. Fic name is from a christmas carol.
> 
> EDIT: Taking prompts currently so if you have anything you’re itching to see written—can certainly be NSFW—come and submit it to me on my tumblr! (Largely Fiego, but willing to tackle anything with Diego.)

“Jesus. It’s cold as shit out there.” Diego stood at the entrance to the living room, rubbing his hands together. It wasn’t too often that he could say he was glad to be within the academy walls, but the weather outside had been honest-to-god brutal. Might not be as optimistic a few days into his stay but, hey, family were always a pain in the ass.

Klaus looked up from where he’d been painting his nails. “Diego!” He clapped his hands together. “I didn’t hear you come in, you stealthy devil. You’re just in time for some—drumroll—festive nail painting!”

“Yeah, I’ll pass,” Diego stepped further into the room. Lights, gold streams and paper chains were strung across the walls. “Damn, you really—“ his eyes landed on a paper mache Jesus staring him down from across the room. Christ. Literally. “Went all out.”

“As always.”

Diego shucked off his jacket. “Your bright idea to put up mistletoe on the doors, then?”

“That would also be me, yes.” Klaus said, lifting a hand and wriggling his fingers. Diego caught a flash of his bright red and green nails.

“I’ll pre-warn you and say he’s got them attached to all of our doors as well.” Five said, materialising on the single seater.

Klaus barely blinked an eyelid. Diego flinched, full-body. He hadn’t seen Five for months now, had forgotten how goddamn irritating it was when Five would teleport in and out unannounced.

“Firstly, you gotta stop doing that, man,” Diego began. “Secondly, on all our doors? Really, Klaus?”

“Really.” Five answered for the other. He'd begun flicking through a newspaper. Klaus, who had opted to stay silent, was innocently admiring his nails.

“Yeah, nah, that’s not gonna work,” Diego said, pulling off his scarf. “Don’t want to catch the big guy under there.”

“Fine-e.” Klaus waved a hand exaggeratedly. “We can take them all down and leave the one by the living room. For decorative purposes.”

“Decorative purposes my ass,” Diego said. He dropped his gym bag by the coffee table and fell back onto the three-seter beside Klaus.

“I can assure you, the one is still one too many,” Five said, looking up and meeting Diego’s gaze. “Welcome, by the way.”

It could have been how little they were seeing of one another, ‘specially since Dallas, but Five’s new body always managed to catch Diego off guard. Sure, Five hadn’t dropped the preppy get up, but now he could wear formal shit and not look like he’d just come straight from a seventh grade trig class.

“Should be saying that to you. You off work?” Diego asked.

“I took leave for the holidays. I got here a few days ago,” Five smiled wryly. “All this was here when I arrived. Still haven’t gotten round to removing the mistletoe bundles, unfortunately.”

“And you’re cool with the life-size jesus?”

“Such Donnie Downers, really! I’m getting all fe-estive,” Klaus sang, leaning his head on his hand. “Unlike some.”

“You know, the mistletoe was a symbol of peace for the Norsemen, vivacity for the Druids. We’ve gone and made it tacky.” Five said, his eyes skimming the paper in front of him once more.

Diego propped his legs up on the coffee table. “So? Christmas is a commercialised shit-show, nothing new.”

“Oh God,” Klaus flopped backwards, gesturing to the two of them with his hands. “You both? Are really ruining my festive vibes.”

Diego held up his hands. “Hey, I’m as festive as the next guy, just ain’t gonna do no kissing.”

Klaus shot him the doe eyes he knew looked pretty. “Oh, come on, Diego. You’re certainly no prude.”

“Wow. Kinda sounds like you’re slut-shaming me, bro.”

“He is,” Five said. “Though he can hardly talk.”

“What? So it runs in the family. All the more reason for you to become one with your inner slut too, Five. We should be open and _proud_ of our sexuality.” Klaus waxed, pressing both hands together.

Five folded up his newspaper. “You’re being unduly solicitous. I’m assuming you're trying to pry into my private life right now.”

“Oh, as always, Fivey. How about we take out dad’s old whiskey and exchange fun stories?” 

Diego placed a hand behind his head. “How about it, Five?”

Five followed the action. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

He was unabashed about meeting Diego’s stare. Despite the general novelty of Five’s body, his eyes were a constant, icy and penetrating. A charged tension had settled within the space, one Diego was highly familiar with on any regular occasion, but one he couldn’t figure out for the life of him then, staring down Five in their childhood living room.

“Boring… Diego, you’re up.” Klaus gestured.

“Think I’ll head up actually. Long day,” Diego pushed himself off the couch, ignoring Klaus’s beaten-puppy face in his peripheral. “The others on the way?”

“Luther and Allison are arriving in two days. Vanya tomorrow, I believe.” Five responded.

“Yeah?” Diego plucked up his gym bag, along with his jacket and scarf. He felt the weight of Five’s stare on the side of his face, heavy as lead. “Aite, cool then. Will see you boys tomorrow.”

“I think I’ll be off to bed, also.” Five said promptly, standing and dusting off his trousers. “Good night.” He added, his eyes moving from Klaus to Diego, before he teleported away. Diego barely had any time to blink—that shit never got any less abrupt.

“Suppose I won’t drink alone, then,” Klaus sighed exaggeratedly. “Be responsible and all.”

“Good boy. Nice to see you’re putting in work,” Diego’s eyes remained fixed to the spot Five had occupied. “Night.” Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he made for the stairway.

He looked up as he trudged the stairs; the family portrait stared right back out at him, somber as everything else in that house. Tinsel ran around the edges of the frame. Something about it felt hugely fucking satirical. His old man was probably turning in his grave.

“Can’t sleep?”

Diego flinched from where he’d been leaning against the countertop. “Shit, bro, I told you to stop with that.”

Five stood against the doorframe in his academy pyjama bottoms and a white vest. Last time Diego had seen him in this get up was when he was a gangly thirteen year old and they were warding off the apocalypse (the second time around). Matter of fact, he’d found it pretty funny. A kid in an undershirt. Five currently, with his new body, fostered a very different feeling.

Five shrugged. “In my defence, I didn’t expect anyone to be in the kitchen at this hour. I didn’t intend to be here long.”

“Makes the two of us, then.” Diego said.

He’d bet none of them got any real sleep around here. Staying at the academy always fucked with his head some. Could remember all the nights he’d sneak off to the basement and work out until he couldn’t think straight, or sneak out the house altogether.

“I figured. You didn’t even bother putting a shirt on. I really can’t say I’m surprised, you fancy yourself a regular Adonis.” Five said, walking past.

Diego folded his arms. “What can I say.”

He watched as Five took out a glass and filled it with some sort of flavoured milk from the fridge. The dude still had a penchant for kiddy snacks. Figures, with how long he’d spent as a kid again.

Five turned around. His eyes flickered downwards. “You have a nipple piercing?”

“About a year old, actually.” Diego said.

“Hm. Interesting.”

Diego leaned back against the counter. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly that. It’s interesting.” Five took a leisurely sip. “There’s nothing to spell out here.”

Something about Five was just so effortless. Hell, Diego had been envious of it since they were kids.

“Well, ‘m all ears if you wanna elaborate.” Diego said.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you.” Five said.

Diego flexed his fingers. The tension was stifling.

“Why are you here for Christmas?” Diego said eventually. He hadn’t seen Five for months and suddenly, here he was, fucking with Diego’s head.

Five examined his drink, briefly swirling it around as though it were a glass of whiskey. “Thought it was considered normal to spend Christmas with one's family.”

“Nah, I mean the fact that you’re off, that you’re staying here a few days before Christmas.”

Five turned away from Diego and placed the cup in the sink, running the tap. The muscles in his back shifted as he moved. “Let’s just say I think that some family time is long overdue.”

“Uh-huh,” Diego said slowly. “Pretty weird for you to outright say something like that.”

“I can imagine.” Five said.

Diego watched as Five turned back around to face him.

“I know for a fact that you're not around either. I work across space and time, what’s your excuse?” Five said.

Diego worked his jaw. “I got my own things. Sure, it’s not some big ‘time-space continuum’ gig, but my job at the gym, that’s important, too. I help out at the force-”

“Unsanctioned help.”

“Five.” Diego warned.

“I won’t go on. I just think we can agree that this is overdue in both of our cases.” Five said.

Diego couldn't help feeling like the statement had layers to it. “You think.”

“I do.”

Five was watching him closely. The neighbours had strung Christmas lights across the top of the fence, a stark contrast against the darkness of their kitchen. It bled through the windows; the side of Five’s face was bathed in coloured light. It made him feel even less tangible, like something far away.

“I’ll leave you be.” Five said eventually, teleporting out, leaving Diego in the middle of the kitchen, his mind going nineteen to the dozen.

Diego rolled out of bed in the early afternoon feeling all sorts of whacked out. Normally, he’d be up and out early, but it had been one of those days where sleeping in felt so damn good. Naturally, actually waking up late left him feeling like total shit, but that was his cross to bear.

When he made his way to the kitchen, fully showered, he was met with the sight of Vanya at the table, sipping from a steaming mug.

“Hey,” Diego said, pulling his tee down where it had ridden up. “You arrive this morning?”

“Hey Diego. I did,” She offered him a small smile. “I went out for coffee with Five. He brought you something back, actually, some donuts.”

“Yeah?” Diego said, his eyes drifting to the paper bag at the end of the table. He thought of Five walking up to the counter, cool and assured, and ordering them. “Where is he now?”

“Ah, went to run some errands? He wasn’t too specific.”

“Classic Five,” Diego pulled up a chair, tugging the bag towards him. His healthy eating regime could be put on hold, Christmas was a time to indulge. “Our brother is one hell of an enigma, huh.”

“I think he’s a little easier to sus out these days,” Vanya’s hands were clasped around her mug. “Maybe it’s you.”

Diego stared at the paper bag. “Yeah, maybe.”

He wondered if Five _had_ actually been keeping in touch with the others, taking short trips back in between jobs. Wasn’t like Diego spent an awful amount of time at the academy. Still, the thought twisted him up.

A silence fell between them, Vanya sipping her tea and Diego sat back in his chair, drumming his hands on the table. He and Vanya had never really gelled particularly well, things had always been weird between them. It also wasn’t like Diego had been proactive about changing it.

Looking over at Vanya, he could hear Five’s voice in his head. _Let's just say I think some family time is overdue._

“Vanya,” _I work across space and time, what’s your excuse?_ “How’d you feel about doing some shopping with me? Gotta get gifts. The carol singers are out and I’m gonna need more hands to help shove them out the way, swear I go postal.”

Vanya gave him a wary look and shook her head, laughing slightly. “God, what did they ever do to you? But sure, let’s do it.”

Diego cracked a smile, moving to sit forward. Truth was he kinda liked the carols. He threw the last piece of his donut into the air and caught it in his mouth. “Alright then. I’ll grab my keys.”

On his way out the kitchen, he spied the bundle of mistletoe, still stuck firmly above the door.

“Oh, goody, you’re back!” Klaus gushed. He was in one of Diego’s vests and a gaudy pair of pants. To top it off, a knit cardigan was hanging off of his skinny shoulders. It reminded Diego of the shit old people wore to bed. “Gosh, what a busy bee you’ve been. Remember we need to get the tree, big boy, before the others come—”

“Yeah, yeah, let me put my stuff down,” Diego stood aside to let Vanya in, closing the door with the back of his foot. “Had to do some shopping.”

Five, now stood in the hall, raised an eyebrow. “Shopping?” Without speaking, he also managed to communicate an additional _with Vanya?_

“You bet. It’s Christmas, babe,” He threw his keys on the side. “Gonna take these upstairs and I’ll be with you, Klaus. Go get your shoes on or whatever.”

Upon reaching his room, he threw the bags onto the single, turning round to see Five stood in front of him.

“No dramatic flinching?” Five said.

“Nice try, I ain’t gonna bite.” Diego said.

“Mm,” Five said. “Did you have a good time?”

Diego felt in his jacket pocket for a leaflet he’d been forced to take at the mall, throwing it to one side. “Sure. Vanya is real good at picking out gifts, I’ll tell you.”

“I’m impressed, you know.” Five said. He had his hands tucked in the pockets of his dress pants.

“Yeah, well, consider it me investing in family time.” Diego said.

Five smiled, his dimple deepening. Diego felt his breath catch in his throat.

“You got something to say?” He asked, walking past the other and out into the hall.

“I think it’s endearing, what you did. What you’re doing. Taking Klaus out, too.”

“Feels like you’re tryna get a reaction or something.” Diego said.

“I don’t try and get reactions,” Five regarded him. “I’m telling you you’re doing a good job.”

Diego felt a shiver of pleasure wrack his body. _The actual fuck_ , he thought.

“Fuck off, man, it’s w-w-whatever.” He shut his mouth promptly, feeling the shame crash in tenfold. Turning away, he headed down the stairs before he could see Five’s reaction.

Keeping his throat lax, he thought hard about the words in his head, grabbed his keys and pulled open the door. “Klaus, I’m leaving! And put on a fucking coat.”

Five’s dimpled smile burned behind his eyelids.

“Isn’t this nice?” Klaus had a hand pressed to his cheek, the other holding out a champagne glass. “The family all together, no impending apocalypse… ”

Diego sat buffing out his knives, his legs propped up on the couch. “Ain’t it.”

Allison jabbed at his ankle with a laugh. “Way to sound enthusiastic, jackass.”

“Watch it, doll.” Diego nudged back at her hand, his lips quirking.

It had been a while since he’d seen Allison, what with her trying to get Claire settled in her new place and school, and man, felt good to see her laughing. He knew it broke her heart that Claire was with Patrick for the holidays, but being with the others—and a little champagne—had seemed to lift her spirits.

“Mm, very scary,” she took a slow sip of her drink. “The I-wear-all-black, macho shtick? Not fooling anyone.”

“Hey, what you see is what you get,” Diego leant back against the sofa, swiping down his body in one gesture. “And that’s all this.”

She pulled a face and barked out a laugh. “God, what a line. Do you say that to women? Real women?”

“Hey guys,” Luther said, staring up at the tree, scratching his eyebrow. “Isn’t the tree a bit, uh, big.”

Klaus stood beside the other to examine the eight foot pine, now adorned with the red and gold decorations that he and Diego had picked up for half price at the local convenience store, like an artist admiring his work. “Bigger is better, as they say. You’d know, sis.”

Diego’s brows shot upwards. Luther coughed into his fist, looking vaguely scandalised.

“Klaus!” Allison chided, folding her arms and looking every bit the stern mother.

“What? It’s perfectly acceptable to have preferences. Like how we know Diego likes tough girls who put him in his place, or in the most recent of cases, super crazy girls!”

Diego gave him a look. “Klaus.”

Klaus gestured to the sofa Five and Vanya were seated at. Diego looked over and caught Five’s eye. “And she sure didn’t like little old Five—who isn’t so little anymore, so here's to that!” Klaus cheerfully raised his glass.

Five seemed unimpressed. He lifted his own glass with a wry smile. “Indeed.”

“You were staying with them, right? Ooh, did you hear them fucking—”

“Klaus.” Diego repeated, exasperated. The guy really never knew when to shut his goddamn mouth.

“Too soon?” Klaus asked in a loud, mock whisper.

“I think that’s enough,” Luther cut in, which took Diego from mildly annoyed to pretty pissed off. Real unnecessary but not unlike the other to take up the leader role whenever the opportunity presented itself. “That was all in the past, so let’s just… leave it there, alright? It’s Christmas eve.”

Klaus slapped a hand on Luther’s shoulder. “You’re totally right, big guy, let’s get the night underway! Music, dancing!”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Allison cleared her throat and stood. She moved to turn on the radio and began flicking through the channels, waiting to land on something she recognised. “Oh, I love this song! Come on, Diego—“

Diego was busy sneaking glances at Five, who was staring forwards, lost in thought. He broke out of it to answer something Vanya had asked, leaning in to hear over the commotion.

“Ground control to Diego?”

Diego looked up at Allison, pushing a hand through his hair. “Shit. Sorry, babydoll, ‘m not in my dancing shoes—“

Before he could finish, Allison had tugged him upwards, mouthing the words, _oh, baby, do you know what that’s worth_. Diego shook his head with a chuckle, taking her hand and giving her a whirl. Was impossible to say no to Allison, not with her miming like that to him, picture perfect.

Klaus broke in with a hearty whoop. Sighing, Diego offered him his other hand. “Got room for you too.”

Klaus took the hand with a smile, calling back over his shoulder. “Vanya, I’m expecting you up here with those funky lesbian moves, I’ve seen them!”

Diego continued to dance as the chorus of ‘Heaven is a place on Earth’ sounded throughout the academy walls, clearing his head of a certain pair of icy, blue eyes.

Later on, when they’d all dispersed, Diego found himself wandering down the stairs, following the faint sound of the radio. Call it detective’s intuition.

As he neared the living room, Luther stumbled past him, lifting a hand in greeting.

“Good night, Diego. I’m heading to Allison,” He slurred, his brows screwing up afterwards. “I mean bed.”

Diego shook his head. “Yeah, you do that, buddy. Night.”

He looked back into the living room. Five was sat at the bar, his sleeves rolled to his elbows, his back to Diego. The radio was playing Peggy Lee’s Christmas Waltz. Mom had liked her version. He could distinctly remember the vinyl sleeve for it, her big blue eyes and red lips, lithe wrists. Teenage him had certainly been familiar with it.

Diego made his way into the room. “Drinking with Luther, huh. Sure that was a real riot.”

Five languidly looked behind him. “Ah,” He was swaying slightly in his place. “I was, yes. We discussed rudimentary physics, our father, old memories. Opted for no work talk, not particularly festive.”

“Jesus, Five,” Diego said as he reached the counter. “You drunk or something?”

“No,” Five said. “Unlike our brother, who has a ridiculous lack of tolerance for alcohol despite his size, I can handle my drink.”

Diego raised a brow. Five’s eyes were slightly glazed over. “Nah, think you’re waved, bro.”

“You can think what you want, it’s not congruent with reality.” Five said.

“Yeah, I’m thinking I should get you upstairs.” Diego said.

Five placed his drink down and turned to face him. “I don’t need you to escort me to my room like I’m some sort of inebriated child,” Five spoke lowly. ”I think we both know I’m not thirteen anymore.”

Diego threw his hands up. “Christ, I just think you could lay off for the night is all.”

Five was silent, unreadable. Diego could almost see the cogs turning in his head. He wondered how often Five drank like this.

“You know,” Five began to trace a finger round the ring of his glass, eyes traced on the movement. “I learned a few interesting things in Dallas. About myself.”

“Yeah?” Diego slid the bottle of Scotch away from Five’s side and started to screw the lid on. “Go on.”

Five took another swig of his drink. “Do you ever think about Lila?”

“What?” Diego turned to look at him, taken aback. ”No. I mean, I have, not often.”

“Right,” Five said. “Do you want to find her?”

“I don’t see how this is relevant to anything.” Diego said.

“Unsurprising, you’re not always very astute.”

“Okay, what the fuck are you on about, man, because I’m lost.” Diego said. If there was one thing Five was especially good at, it was making Diego look a complete dumbass.

“Again, resoundingly unsurprising—“ Five began to get off of his seat.

“Five,” Diego said, taking a hold of his shoulders. “What are you getting at?”

Five met his stare head on. His gaze flittered downwards and back up. Diego felt something stir in his gut.

“Nothing.” Five said, and teleported away. Diego let out a sigh, slamming his fist against the counter top, feeling yet again as though he’d ended up behind the eight ball.

Later that night, Diego heard a knock at his door. He ground his palms into his eyes before throwing his legs over the edge of the bed and begrudgingly making his way over.

“Klaus, I’m not gon—Five?”

“I knocked.” Five stated matter-of-factly. His eyes looked hazy around the edges.

Diego folded his arms. “Yeah, I appreciate it. You feeling alright?”

“I’m fine.” Five said.

“And you’re in a clear state of mind and all?” Diego asked.

“I said I’m fine,” Five said, shifting. “I want to apologise, I crossed boundaries today.”

“You're good,” Diego had his eyes trained on the collar of Five’s shirt. “You brought up Lila. That ‘cause of what Klaus was saying earlier?”

“Partially.” Five said.

“Honestly, I haven’t thought about Lila for a long, long time.” Diego leaned against the doorframe. “Man, I just—have no clue what you’re thinking half the time. I think I know what’s going on and then I don’t. Feels like I’m being left in the dark here.”

Five took the time to process this. “I don’t like saying things that don’t need to be said.”

“Feel that’s a matter of perspective. Who's to say certain things shouldn’t be said.” Diego said.

“It’s objective. I make judgments based on what I think is appropriate and act accordingly.” Five said.

“Not everything is objective. Sure that defies all your science shit, but it’s true.” Diego said.

Five sighed. “You’re not making this easy.”

They stood in silence. Diego spied the mistletoe, perched innocently against the top of the door frame. Five followed his gaze.

“Can I come in?” Five asked.

Diego pushed open the door.

“I thought it would be better to leave things unsaid. To avoid acting on certain-“ Five continued as he stepped. He turned to Diego, who was now standing in front of the closed door. “Feelings.”

“Five, I can’t read your mind. You gotta tell me things straight.”

“I want you.” Five said. His eyes were dark in the blackness of Diego’s room, the only light coming from the lamp posts outside in the street. He looked goddamn sinful.

Diego felt something flare up inside him, hot and heavy. Something clicked in his head; things had shifted into place, things years old.

Diego placed his hands on Five’s hips. “Oh, wish you’d said this earlier, pretty babe.”

Five’s breath hitched as Diego leant forwards and kissed his jaw. Five wove a hand in his hair.

Diego awoke to find Five had left his room. Before the thought could bum him out, Five had returned with two cups of coffee, wearing Diego’s shirt. Hell, he couldn’t have asked for anything better.

He had every intention of keeping Five in his room until Christmas day officially began—rather, when the others came pestering them. Allison had been clear about her intention to have him help with dinner, what with him being, quote-on-quote, the only Hargreeves who could cook half decently.

“Morning, babe.” Diego said with a lazy grin.

Five smiled. After he’d set the cups down on the dresser, Diego tossed a small wrapped gift in his direction. “Merry Christmas.”

Five caught it with one hand. He looked to the small pile of gifts beside Diego’s bed. “Good morning,” Ripping it open, he looked back up. “A Starbucks card?”

Diego shrugged, standing. “Practical. But hey, I’ll buy you coffee whenever you want.”

Five teleported to his side, throwing his arms around his neck and causing the both of them to fall back onto the single.

“Merry Christmas.” Five said, crushing his lips against Diego’s.

“Shit, I gotta be dreaming. You’re unreal, sweetheart,” Diego murmured slipping his hands over Five’s ass. “Let me get you off, I’ll make it good.”

“Diego,” Five said. “When I said I wanted you, I meant it.”

Diego moved to press a kiss to the junction between Five’s neck and ear. “Hey, I told you last night, this don’t gotta be a one time thing.”

“Not the sex,” Five breathed. “Well, I want the sex. And the rest.”

Diego pulled back slightly. “The rest?”

Five shut his eyes. “You know what I mean, don’t make me humiliate myself even more.”

Diego drew a blank. “No, it’s not—you’re not humiliating yourself. You’re serious?”

“Yes,” Five said. “Why would I say it otherwise.”

Diego rolled the two of them over, propping himself up with his forearms. “Well, I want that too.”

The corner of Five’s lips quirked slowly and he wrapped a leg around Diego’s middle. Five, laid out beneath him, was the stuff of dreams. Diego hadn’t wanted something more in his life.

“Good. Now that’s settled, what was it you just said you’d do for me?” Five purred, and Diego shivered. He wanted to slip to his knees beside the bed.

“ _We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish y_ —wow, I’m intruding on something here.”

“Jesus, Klaus. A moment?” Diego groaned, code for get-your-ass-out.

“Merry Christmas to you, too, bro. Allison, you owe me fifty dollars!” Klaus called behind him, before he let out a mock gasp, looking up at the mistletoe on the door. “My mistletoe! So it really worked…”

Diego lobbed a knife by his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are massively appreciated! Or, come talk to me on my [new tumblr account](https://howlsghost.tumblr.com/)
> 
> EDIT: Taking prompts currently so if you have anything you’re itching to see written—can certainly be NSFW—come and submit it to me on my tumblr! (Largely Fiego, but willing to tackle anything with Diego.)


End file.
